'Fat' isn't what makes us fat, after all
By Susie Freeman
Reporter Columnist

It finally happened. Some fat lady is suing McDonald’s, Burger King and Kentucky Fried Chicken for her obese condition.

And to think, some years ago I thought it facetious to predict that Twinkies would be sued over hip circumference. And there’s a lawyer willing to take the case. It seems there’s a lawyer willing to do anything, no matter how ridiculous or degrading.

The "Pleasure Police" took on cigarettes and whipped ‘em like a god. Millions stopped smoking, overwhelmed with guilt. Juries awarded billions to smokers who saw a good thing and claimed they were harmed, at no fault of their own, of course, by years of living as a human chimney. All the coughing and snorting and heart conditions were totally the fault of the manufacturers of the things. The folks who willingly lit up every five minutes were not responsible for the resulting illnesses they suffered because they just couldn’t help themselves.

Can you believe this? Only in America, God love it.

Now we’re down to the really serious pleasure–food. For years we’ve been made to feel guilty for every bite we’ve taken that actually tasted good. Fat, the wonderful substance that makes a French fry crispy, a pie crust flaky and a sauce silky smooth on the palate, has been our enemy ever since a bunch of politicians dreamed up the food pyramid in order to serve up cheap school food based on carbohydrates instead of higher-priced protein and vegetables.

Now research proved they were wrong, a fact that should surprise no one.

Fat isn’t what makes us fat, after all.

It’s really all that pasta and bread we’ve felt guilty hearing those painfully thin women tell us about on the morning news programs. Meanwhile, we’ve all grown increasingly rotund, dutifully eating broccoli sauteed in fat-free cooking spray over half a pound of noodles. We’ve been fat and still hungry for years. The debate over what we should eat has reached the point that people act like they’re not going to die if they can just find the right thing to swallow.

I really hate to disappoint all those granola eaters who’ll never know the joy of chomping down a big chunk of properly greasy brisket on a swing-test white bread, wet with sauce, embellished with a hunk of onion, sliced dills and chasing it with a big orange. But, if an adult person cannot figure out double meat, double cheese hamburger and super size fries with a half-gallon of soda to wash it down is probably not a healthy low-cal choice on a daily basis, I simply don’t think there’s much hope for them. That we have become a culture that considers "a bucket of chicken" to be a normal food item is reason enough to dismiss this woman’s case.

There are some things a free society just can’t protect us from. Stupidity is one of them.

Time Challenger Labs International, Inc.